I would dread getting the texts by the end of it. I knew that the second that she was coming over that it would be hours of her talking about herself, inventing scenarios that are barely rooted in reality for nothing other than garnering sympathy and promoting her identity as a victim. I would take a big deep breath every time I knew a visit was happening until, after months of our meetings leaving me exhausted the penny finally dropped. I had to learn what I already knew...again! Bracing for impact is a tell tale sign that the people you are around are toxic to your energy. When you have to, and I mean have to say a silent prayer or take a big deep breath before you walk into a room with someone then it's probably not someone you should be hanging around with. It is always our responsibility to maintain our own energy systems. Doing so requires thoughtful examination of the self and a careful awareness of your emotional authenticity. Responsibility for your own energy system means that you never really require someone else to make you feel better. That's not to say that you don't need help or the occasional support system but all of the energy contracts are clear, spoken about and on the table. It's the unspoken energy grabs that pull people into toxicity.
Toxic people often aren't aware of their own toxicity and even if they were they would often find someone else to blame. When someone is obnoxious, rude or aggressive then it's easy to spot their negativity but most of the energy thieves that I have come across have done so with a smile on their face. They are the people whom when you leave them you feel drained, or stressed. I know that happens during stressful or draining times but these energy types are always in that space in some shape or other. When I recognised this I just stopped calling. I withdrew from the friendship slowly and surgically so as to almost go unnoticed. I also made a concious effort to keep my energy my own on the times that we did connect until eventually she stopped calling too. When a toxic person isn't getting what they demand from you they will either drop off the map or attack you for more. I don't care what title that person has in your life, your family, partner, friends, if someone is costing you your energy then you need to recognise it and enforce a boundary.
It would be stupid of me to not point out the obvious here. That toxic energy types only turn up in your life by invitation. As much as I demand that people around me be responsible for their energy I have to be responsible for mine. If I don't believe and behave in a manner that states that my energy is worth guarding then that's what I'll attract. If I believe that I should sacrifice my sanity for others then I will attract that. If you don't guard your own energy boundaries then people will turn up to take from you. Ensure that your soul is not a feast for someone who is looking to prop themselves up using you as a crutch. Also be aware if you are doing that unintentionally to someone else. If you can't sit in your own silence, if you can't be still with who you are and what you are feeling then you just might be acting in a toxic way yourself. Think on this and as always, start by building a good “love or above” mindset from the inside out.
Thank you for listening,
Ryan James x