It's so easily done and it's something I have to keep a constant eye on within myself. As soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning I'm like Usain Bolt in my house. I am cleaning on my way to the shower and then trying to sort out the house as I am making breakfast. I give the hubby a kiss goodbye for the day and find 5 minutes to talk to him before he goes to work and then I throw the washing that I probably should have folded away last night into the basket. I then get my readings room tidy, write my blog, poem, prayer, meditate, do my visualisations and continue to leap frog into my day. My routine is already packed to the hilt with a billion little things that I am working on and whilst most days I do love that little bit of extra work to keep momentum going there are some days when it sends me into a chaotic mindset. It's only a tiny slip but that really is all it takes to make me feel off. The problem is when you do too much you are applauded. It's part of the mindset of our work addicted society. We don't applaud mindfulness, we don't celebrate relaxing, we applaud exhaustion and working to our own detriment. I am a lot better now than I used to be when it comes to recognising when I slip into this business but I have to be honest I do still fall into it now and again. It all get's resolved for me by contemplating on a question, “Is what you are doing right now beneficial or are you contributing to the white noise of life?”. It may seem silly to some of you but this question has helped me a lot and I've been reminded of it again recently.
You are doing too much. You just are. In fact we all are. Our entire culture has moved to a level of business that is pushing the human capacity beyond what it is capable of doing and worse still we are aware of it and still going ahead. I've spoken before about my work addicted/chaos addicted path years ago and how I came out of it which is why I have so many tools now to catch me in the early stages if I begin to fall back into that pattern. I think that we all could benefit from a few tools to keep us self aware so that our ego doesn't take us into chaos. I noticed recently, only slightly, that I was doing things for no other reason than to keep occupied. It was like I didn't want to sit still. All of the things that actually help me I was finding excuses to push aside and it took a good talking to ( by myself ) to put me beack on track. I was in the middle of doing something when the question above popped into my head. I haven't thought about it for years and not really in that way before. What is benefitting me? What am I doing that is really helping me to move forward as a human being, as a business owner as a boyfriend, as a son. What is really uplifting me and what am I doing that is just a perpetuation of what I have done before?
These are the kinds of questions that when properly answered create real and lasting change in our lives which is why so many of us don't like confronting them properly. I have noticed myself slip into the mindset of actively putting off the things that I have set out to do that will directly help me in favour of things that just make me look busy. It's ridiculous but when you get down to it it's all just a part of the ego. It's just the familiar perpetuating itself through you. We often like to tell the stories that are familiar. We watch the same movies, read the same books, listen to the same songs because we find them comforting. I am not saying that it's negative, there is a great warmth in the familiar but not if it's at the expense of your expansion. I am not one of those people who like to set fire to my entire life just to create change. I like to go with the expansion that is happening naturally. I feel a great rumble under my life that's been happening for a while and it's manifestation isn't happening yet. I am just getting little hints here and there, follow this, do that, go here. It's a wonderful place to be but it's also scary and when we are scared, we reach for what we know. In these moments, and we all go through them, I have to find silence, the space of prayer and a good community to keep me on track. It helps me to actually move forward instead of becoming a hampster of a treadmill.
Thank you for reading,
Ryan James x